For those of you who don't know me, I am very passionate about raising my children up in the Lord. I am always reading about parenting, listening to podcasts on effective child rearing, and my ears perk up when I hear any advice from mothers who have gone before me in regard to their littles. I listen to Dr. James Dobson every morning on the radio on my way to work and gosh have I learned a lot from him. He sure does have a lot of great insight on raising up children, especially strong willed children. I thought I’d share a little of what I have learned with all the mommies that follow me. The first thing you need to understand is every child is different and every child is a born sinner. We live in a fallen world, we do not give birth to perfect children then corrupt them. Back to the garden of eden we have been testing the will of God and not only showing it but acting upon our own “free will" when Adam and Eve chose to disobey God and eat the forbidden fruit. Our sweet children struggle with the same “free will” and desperately need our help. We must be careful not to break their will as this will break their spirit as well, rather we need to learn to shape their will. If they are not taught to say no to their own will and obey their parents, they will never learn to obey God’s will, that to me should be our number one goal as parents. Some people may say you are a “Mean momma” I’ve gotten that before, some people may say you are “too hard” on your child, and from my own family no less. However, I would encourage you that if you are disciplining your child in a godly manner to ignore those comments. You know what is best for your child. The problem may be that you are afraid of your child. Or that you are afraid that if you discipline your child they may grow to resent you. But if you do it the right way, if is actually the opposite. My children don't get away with hardly anything, and they tell me how much they love me all day every day. Ella Jane can’t help but kiss me at least every hour and say “ Wub you, Mommy”. You see, there is so much security and love to be had for children when they have boundaries. Dr. Dobson talked about a study during the early days of the progressive education movement where one enthusiastic theorist removed the chain-link fence around the playground thinking it would give the children more freedom. However, when the fence was removed the children actually huddled towards the center of the playground because they felt safer there. There is security in defined limits. We as parents must establish and set those boundaries at an early age for our children’s sake. We should parent out of strength not out of fear. You have to take control of your home, your child and of every situation. As soon as that child is lying on the floor kicking and screaming, you have lost control. That child needs to always know who is in control. The child does not want to be in control but they will push the boundaries as far as you will let them and when you let them, you are giving them control. YOU ARE THE BOSS. That is the first thing you need to own. The Lord has charged you with that.
Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. Proverbs 13:24
Some days you may feel like it is all you do. You will be so tired of bending down and cupping that child's little face, looking them in the eyes and saying “Johnny, I am the parent. You have to mind me or there will be consequences”. Tired of the endless time outs. Tired of the infamous “sad spoon” as we have in our home. Tired of every 1…..2…..3. But, oh sweet momma, those days are time so well spent. Those teaching moments are crucial for your child. God has chosen YOU to raise that child up in His love and His will.
Here are some tips that might help you.
6 steps to effective and Godly discipline
Define boundaries - let him know early on what is ok and what isn’t in your home. You cannot expect him to know the boundaries before you have time him.
He should be held accountable to offenses - If he crosses those boundaries (that have already been set) than he must face the consequences. Every time.
Distinguish the difference between willful defiance and childish - When he spills his drink or forgets to flush the toilet that is not willful defiance and should be dealt with in a different manner than punishment. When he clinches his fists and grits his teeth and says to you “No, I won’t do it!” that my friend is willful defiance and we mustn’t let those moments go undisciplined.
Reassure and teach lovingly - Always. Always. ALWAYS. Reassure him that he is loved and that nothing he could ever do will ever change that.
Avoid impossible demands - Remember that he is a child and he can’t take on the responsibilities in behavior like adults can. So take it some what easy on them. He IS a child.
Let love be your guide - The Lord has given you all the tools you need to do this. The most important being love. Use that motherly love that is oftentimes overwhelming, to love that child into obedience to not only you but to The Lord.
Want to know what is really neat about having a well disciplined child? That child will be such a blessing to be around not only for you but for everyone who comes in contact with them.
Pray pray pray for your child. Teach them this scripture so that they might understand the love you are pouring into them with every moment of discipline.
For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11
You are doing good, Momma! Don’t be discouraged. You can do this! I’m praying for you.