So I have seen this video circulating Facebook of a cute little boy, maybe 3 years old, at the doctors office getting his shots. A man I am assuming was his Dad was with him and when the little boy felt pain and felt like crying, his dad quickly and repeatedly told that baby boy not to cry and to “be a man” and eventually, made the boy wipe his own tears and say “I’m a man”. I wanted to reach through my phone and pick that little baby up and let him cry it out and tell him it was OK to be doing so. Society has taught for a loooong time now that boys are to “Be men” and to “ Stiffin up their lip” and that “Emotions are girly”. Well, I just don't agree.
Boys are so very different from girls. Girls are natural communicators. They are wired to talk talk talk, share share share, and lets not forget cry cry cry. All of these things are normal and frequently discussed topics when it comes to describing girls. Those are some qualities that make us great mothers, sisters, friends, and/or daughters. When it comes to boys, communication isn’t so natural. As mothers, we need to be aware of that and help our little boys communicate their emotions. They are perfectly content just being with someone. Sitting in silence with a fishing pole brings them as much closeness as a slumber party brings a couple of girls. But, with all that being said, boys are just as sensitive if not more, than girls. Which means we need to be more watchful of our sons feelings and emotion and help them learn how to express them properly.
Most importantly, we need to teach them it’s OK to express those feelings. When he is sad, ask him to tell you he is sad and why, then tell him it’s OK to cry because you will hold him and wipe his tears away. If he is angry or frustrated, have him explain why he feels that way and help him figure out a way to express it without screaming or hitting his sister. For example, When Carson hits Ella because she took the toy that he was playing with, Instead of resorting to yelling or spanking right away, I talk with Carson. I ask him why he hit ella, and I ask him if its was because he was frustrated that she took his toy. Then I tell him it is perfectly fine that he was frustrated with her, BUT it is never ok to hit because he is frustrated. I try to give him alternative ways to handle the situation, like telling Ella he doesn't like it when she takes his toys. Then he sits in time out, and has to apolizize for hitting, not for getting upset. Get creative, and realize that boys also have a need for physical release that girls don’t have, so maybe find a way to help them “Blow off some steam” in a healthy way. Give him half of a pool noddle and tell them to go outside and whack all the trees. Nerf gun target practice. You know, things boys like to do. But this doesn't take the place of him talking about issues, maybe this can be his "cool down" time, then you come together again and discuss how he could have handled something better and in a more godly way.
“But as for you, O man of God. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfast, gentleness.”
1 Timothy 6:11
Right there, love and gentleness. Those are not words that are usually used to describe men, but even so, the Lord is calling our little boys to be gentle and loving creatures. But, this doesn’t mean they aren’t strong and courageous as well. The Lord has charged them with a lot of responsibilities as men, husbands, brothers and fathers. Who better to teach our boys to be loving and gentle than naturally more loving and gentle creatures. That should be us, Moms. We already have everything we need to do it too. We just have to be consistent and very very intentional, tailoring our parenting differently for each child but especially differently for our sons and daughters. I challenge you, the next time your sons acts out or misbehaves, try talking with him before punishing the crime. It may open your eyes to why he reacts the way he does and you may be the only one who can teach him the right was to react. Discipline the action not the emotion. Make sure he knows that it's ok to have those emotions and it's ok to show them, you would never love him less right? TELL HIM THAT. Everyday if that’s what he needs, it’s your job to figure that out. Don’t forget to just love on that little boy. One day he will be grown and he will leave home to start his own family and what you taught him will go with him, the good and the bad. Hopefully this helps in the tiniest way for more good than bad in your sons future.
It is important to remember that God created our emotions.
“A time to weep and a tie to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance” Ecclesiastes 3:4
They are nothing to be ashamed of, yet boys are so easily shamed. As their mothers, we need to do our very best to never make them feel ashamed of the God given emotions they have and have to deal with on a daily basis. Help them deal. Just love on them. It will make all the difference in the world.
An excellent source for more information and in depth teaching on this matter is a book called “Strong Mothers, Strong Sons” by Dr. Meg Meeker. An amazing read and I have learned so much from it.